The greatest talentless music group to emerge from Great Britain is finally announcing a lowly -anticipated reunion tour. The 5-member Spice Girls are expected to make the decision public sometime Thursday, in London.
The original members, which include, among others, a former nude model, the mother of Eddie Murphy's bastard child and a desperate soccer player's wife (GIRL POWER!), will reunite for the first time since, eh, not long enough.
In the mid 90's, the Fab-Five preached feminist empowerment to adoring young fans, while enticing older brothers and perverse fathers by wearing next-to-nothing attire. They sold nearly 55-million albums, attempted to act in a hilarious feature film and became so popular, even Jesus Christ was a fan.
But as many suspected, the girls dis-banded, some dis-robed and others married rich. Disappointing solo careers and instrumental, elevator-like versions of "Wannabe" plagued the ladies, leaving them no choice but to announce a reunion tour, album and documentary. This just months after VH1 stopped replaying "I love the 90's," and it was safe to turn on the TV without hearing "Spice up your Life."
With any luck, the tour will feature surprise guests acts from the world of 1990's embarrassments like Los del Rio and "Macarena," or maybe we can get 'Jiggy' with Will Smith on opening night?
One thing is certain, though, and that is a new wardrobe - well, maybe just an altered one to keep things in place. Rock on Spice Girls.
Cheers,
Victor
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